


Everyone is welcome! Except you, you should be getting as far away from me as possible before i do something i won't regret

by PunkPocahontas



Series: Where you can't get what you want but you can get me [4]
Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: M/M, fork stabbing, fruit baskets of shame, saw a cool welcome mat at target that said welcome in other languages, thought of patrick and then saw this AU, welcome mat theft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 05:51:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3966796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkPocahontas/pseuds/PunkPocahontas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based off the prompt " someone keeps stealing my doormat" Also the shorter alternate name for this fic is " Grand theft welcome mat" or something as equally stupid as that</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everyone is welcome! Except you, you should be getting as far away from me as possible before i do something i won't regret

*Pete's POV*

Work was killer today but at least it will never happen again so that something good about being fired. 

I take a swig of the vodka i bought on my way home. How was i suppose to know that dying my hair in the employee bathroom is frowned upon? Stupid Gerard's lucky i managed to dye his hair red before our manger came. My bangs do look pretty nice though... I reach my apartment, spend a good fifteen minutes on looking for my keys before giving up and sliding to the floor. 

I look up from my pity parade to the door down the hall. Apartment 26E looked like any other apartment except for the welcome mat in front of the door. I crawl over and on closer inspection i see that the doormat says welcome in other languages. 

Neat. But what was neater was the key underneath. Jackass no wait Jack...pot! Jackpot. I grab the key and jam it into the lock of my door. They are the same door! How come it isn't working! Wait am i at the wrong door? Maybe i got turned around? 

That made total sense to my drunk brain so I spun around and jam the key in. It works! I open the door, falling through the door way with a loud thump and yelp. 

*Patrick's POV*

I was in my kitchen trying to make ramen noodles half asleep when suddenly my door is slammed open along with a screech. I grab whats closest to me which is a fork and whip around the corner, running into someone. I stab my fork into the person's arm before bolting towards my phone screaming the whole way because holy smokes i just stabbed an intruder who probably has a gun or at least a knife with a fucking fork so i'm dead. 

" Dude why'd ya stab meeeeee" I pause with my finger on the last 1 at this slurred statement 

" Are you drunk?" i ask not sure if i should laugh or be even more concerned 

" You're not drunk! I'm drunk!" the man who i now see has red bangs slurs back

" You're so hammered you can't even say the saying right" i mumble with my head in my hands

" I'm going to do your saying right, i you know what i mean " the man purrs as he air humps in a pitiful attempt of being seductive 

" Please just leave before i call the cops" I wasn't going to but i really just wanna to eat my ramen

" kk see ya later" and with that the man gives me a salute and leaves but of course i'm not that lucky. The man scoops up my welcome mat and walks away. I stand there a few seconds in shock before numbly walking over, shutting the door, and going straight to bed ignoring the chime of the microwave. 

*Pete's POV*

I wake up with a sore throat and a something rough against my face. 

I mange to lift my head up enough to see that i was cuddling a welcome mat. again. This was the third time in a week that i had woken up with Patrick's ( i learned his name the morning after the first robbery) welcome mat in my bed. 

The second time i stole it, i didn't even break into his apartment, i just scooped it up on my way down the hall. I sigh as i drag myself out of bed with the welcome mat over my shoulder and pick up the fruit basket that i bought yesterday in apology for the other two thefts. 

I was going to give it to Patrick yesterday but instead me and Gerard got drunk to celebrate a successful shopping trip. I'm heading to the door when someone starts knocking on it. The visitor is revealed to be a sleepy Patrick in star wars pajama pants and a plain white tee. He really pulled off the look along with the sex hair he was sporting.

" Pete, i think you have something of mine?" He doesn't sound mad but he doesn't sound cheery either

" haha yeah um here" i hand him the welcome mat back " i don't know why i always steal it man but um here's a fruit basket to make up for it" 

" um thanks?"

" There isn't really guide lines for paying back someone when you keep stealing their welcome mat" i ramble panicking that he's going to like stab me again

" Well since drunk you likes my mat so much" and what does Patrick pulls out from behind his back " i thought i should by you your own just like mine" 

" Oh wow man" I exclaim taking it from him with a wild grin " You know there was an easier way to solve this dilemma?" 

Patrick looks confused which makes him ten times cuter " Oh yeah? What's that?"

" You could just move in with me?" I propose causing Patrick's face to go bright red 

" In your dreams, Wentz" Patrick huffs, still blushing and smiling a little 

" Well then come to my bed" i grin walking inside my apartment " and bring your welcome mat with you" and by some miracle Patrick actually walks in. I grin as i close the door behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> i know Gerard has been sober for a while and Pete's not an alcoholic either but they needed to be drunk weirdos for this


End file.
